Bobbie's Story of Surrender & Transformation
Since writing this story I had the privilege of sharing it on The Hope Layer Podcast with my dear friend, Jen Mininger. If you'd rather listen (and honestly, take a deeper dive into what a Hustle to Halt can look like then please listen HERE or find it on iTunes or Spotify (Hope Layer Podcast, Episode 26)!!! Want to take this experience a step further, take a glimpse of the powerful visuals on Jen's blog... a picture does speak a thousand words. You can also learn how Jen's Restorable Retreat was the catalyst for all the healing in my transformation story! |
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I’m typing this from a hotel room in Missouri overlooking the beauty of the Lake of the Ozarks. It's November 12, 2022 and although the sun isn’t reflecting off the water the way it usually does on this cloudy day there is still magic in the small rippling waves and handful of trees that are hanging onto their colorful leaves. I sat in this very room 2 years ago today in 2020 (as I had multiple years before that), but this time something was different (and it wasn’t just COVID). Typically (while my hubby hunts) I plant myself at the desk and knock out content creation, revamp my website, dream up new business goals… and yes in between that I may even pop in and out of boutiques or indulge in a massage (hey it is vacation after all)! But I’ve always made this a working vacation… a time to sit in solitude and focus on growth.
But not 2 years ago. Even as we led up to our annual trip I knew there were a list of things I could work on… but nothing felt just right. The same thought kept coming back to me, just sit… just be still. Ultimately I heard God whispering very clearly to my heart and He was saying s-l-o-w down. Ugh, the thoughts of my flesh were not a whisper - they were loud and clear - God I don’t like slow and You know it! I valued efficiency and productivity, and this was the ultimate time to excel at those things. But I could recognize even in that tension that despite all of my efforts I was not bearing the fruit you’d expect from all the time and work I was putting in. So….
I sat.
I sat quietly. I prayed. I read my bible. I journaled. Poking out of my room on occasion to chat with friends or grab a bite to eat (and yes, still a massage). But for 4 days I did this on repeat. Nothing else felt right, but this did. And God continued to press upon me during that time - slow down.
That can sound wonderful when you’re on vacation when the realities of home and family aren’t tugging at you relentlessly, right? But then you go home. Kids are needy as kids are to be. The house gets messy as life is not neat. Social media is calling you to keep up or be left behind. The holidays are well, the holidays and we know how that adds a layer of fullness to an already full schedule. So I came home to this reality trying to figure out how to be obedient and doing ok at it. Like, if I had to dish out a grade I’d give myself a high C because I truly did try. I pulled back in some areas, slowed down creating and showing up on social, and I said no to a few obligations and yes to more time with God.
This C-for-effort-attempt at putting the brakes on life kept up until February 2021. Then God really got my attention. He didn’t just slow me down he brought my life to a full halt. Sometimes something outside yourself needs to happen to create a shift you can’t make in yourself otherwise (sometimes anyway, and this was one of those times).
A fun weekend away at our cabin in the mountains found a beautiful opportunity for sledding with cousins. It was sunny and snowy and full of laughs and giggles. Just the kind of day you’d want to experience in the winter that could be capped off with a cup of cocoa and getting warm by the fire, as you recounted all of the silly things that had happened (who went the fastest or who really won the snowball fight). However, we didn’t make it to the cocoa and fire recap time because as the sun was setting and the sled trail was (apparently) turning to ice my 5 year old son took a sled ride down the mountain - to rival Chevy Chase’s infamous adventure in Christmas Vacation. Only this one ended with an 8 foot high-jump and drop straight down onto my poor kiddo’s right foot… leaving him with the devastating news that it was instantly broken in two places.
Screeeeech… that’s the sound of life coming to not just a slower pace… but to a full STOP.
Have you ever had a 5 year old with a broken foot, who can’t walk to do anything or go anywhere (for 8 weeks), who is in Kindergarten and needs to continue to learn (from home), but he can no longer even get to the bathroom (or the kitchen table or bed or anywhere) else without you carrying him… all while managing pain and really scarred emotions (and all of the other responsibilities of life that still need to be done). I hope for your sake you don’t know what that’s like (but maybe you’ve had another experience that left you feeling just as overwhelmed, sad, confused and helpless)… either way take my word for it, it’s not exactly easy or convenient (or oh what were those words I used earlier efficient or productive.) I’ll spare you any further details and just share that this stopped me in every way. It woke me up and got my attention.
OK God, I’m listening, what now?
Well… it was a call for pause. It couldn’t have been any more clear that I just needed to stop (a lot of things). And at first I thought it would only be for those 8 weeks, then I’d be refreshed or reset (or something ?!) and I’d hit the ground running (a bit faster perhaps - because I had time to make up for). Bahahaha… are you laughing at my naivety too? It’s easy to do in hindsight (isn’t everything though). That “stopping” actually lasted a year.
Over the course of that year I literally stopped…
It’s easy to write that list now. It was not easy to acknowledge those things in the moment. It was even harder to be obedient and follow through with what I finally acknowledged as necessary. Only with and through God did I do it. I wish I could say this is where life got easier and I learned all my lessons quickly. I wish. But that’s not how it played out.
Even in the stopping, that year became quite the downward spiral. My son’s foot (thank God) healed fully, he received the sledding high-jump award and he returned to school (and playing like his body had never been broken) but continued having emotional issues that required a lot of attention, learning on my part and healing; we had a major project going on at the previously mentioned cabin that required my husband to be away most weekends; my youngest was - a toddler, so there’s that; my oldest had just got his license - so there’s that too. ;-P There had also been a strong calling on my heart to come to a place of forgiveness with my dad (whom I hadn’t talked to for an unfortunate and messy 5 years - families can be very complicated can’t they… this is another story in itself for another time). But the emotional toll of that alone wore on me through the year as it was something I continued to work on internally because I knew to my core God was laying it on my heart to heal. In the fall we all got COVID which brought with it it’s own slew of issues and just wore me down further physically and emotionally. It was quite a whirlwind of ups and downs that kept me in that place of full STOP. As the time ticked on my downs got lower and they lasted longer until the crescendo of a very long and daunting year happened - my dad became very ill in November and we lost him in December. I was barely functioning, but had I not stopped I can’t imagine how much worse I would have been - I would have had no hope. What a year, right? It’s definitely going to be one in my record books.
Are you just waiting for the happy ending at this point? Just like I was, hoping that there could be one. I have a sign in my bedroom that I wake up to every morning and go to sleep to every night… it’s my daily visual reminder that says “There Is Always Hope.” Guess what my friend, there really is. Because God is a loving and awesome God and He will use all of your pain for good. And that was a painful year… but He used every tear, every sleepless night, every bit of confusion and sadness. I can honestly say that I am thankful for it.
I learned to lean on God… to the point of complete surrender.
By October I just started waking up going, OK God - what do you have for me today? What do you want me to do? Through that year which started with the idea of slow, moving to stop and then just sitting in a place of what do I do now I grew so much. The discomfort of not knowing what He wanted me to do (but knowing it wasn’t what I had been doing) ultimately created a spirit of obedience, which required surrender, which allowed me to be led which required me to be still and rest in/with/through Jesus. (Did you follow that, it’s ok to read it again.) That surrender, obedience and following transformed me. Friend, for real re-read that… it transformed me - He transformed me. God used it all to change me from the inside out. He drew me close through it all. As the dust settled (so to speak) in January He replaced all of the sadness, confusion and anxiety with His PEACE.
Have you felt God’s peace?
It’s like nothing you can get from this world. It is incredible and almost unbelievably confusing - because it doesn’t seem possible to go from all of that chaos to a calm, centered and happy heart. But I did. Because God loves me and He loves you too. He loves you that much and more, more than we could ever fathom.
Why wouldn’t we want to be still, to sit with Him, to follow Him, to know that He IS God?
If you’re going through something difficult or even if you’re not… I hope this encourages you. I don’t know how He’ll use your storm or when the calm will come. But I do believe that when we
So back to where we started. I’ve learned a thing or two about obedience in all of this, and as I anticipated this annual trip I prayed each day - God what do You want me to do while I’m in Missouri? How should I use my time?
The whisper… tell your story.
So here I sit in that same hotel room where He brought me close, whispered slow down, then held me tight so He could grow and transform me. As I type through a stream of grateful tears, my heart swells, and I feel like I’m somehow on the other side. I tiptoed out “back into life” earlier this year. But I’m careful not to run ahead of God anymore (as best I can - I’m still human ya know). I’m faster to turn back and repent when I try to go my own fruitless way. And it doesn’t mean there aren’t troubles (there for sure are), but navigating them and living daily life is just different now. It’s somehow lighter and more fulfilling. And no, I’m not naive enough to think He’s done with me! My journey continues and that is wildly exciting.
I continue to rest, plan, love and serve the way that God taught me through that tumultuous year and a half. And I want to help you to do it too. Because I know with all my being there is value and substance and hope in this. Change isn’t easy, but neither is staying the same. Doing the same thing, feeling the same way, wondering if there’s a happy ending to it somehow, sometime, someway. There is.
Let me encourage you now to stop everything and pray.
Talk to God with more sincerity than you ever have. It’s ok, He can handle all of your raw emotions - He gave them to you when He created you after all. Ask Him to show you the first baby step (we do baby steps around here and I believe He’s ok with that). ;-) Ask Him what surrender would look like in your life. What can you hand to Him to carry that is no longer serving you? Invite Him into every aspect of your day. Pause and pray when you don’t know what to do or thank Him when you do. Ask Him to show you how you can be obedient to serve His kingdom.
Won’t you step away from the world’s way with me?
It’s amazing what can happen when you abide instead of strive. Let’s step into a new and fruit-filled life… I know it’s waiting for you.
This is your invitation to surrender.
Let me know when you’re ready… I’ll be here - right where God led me, just waiting to walk with you. And I would consider it an incredible blessing to be by your side.
But not 2 years ago. Even as we led up to our annual trip I knew there were a list of things I could work on… but nothing felt just right. The same thought kept coming back to me, just sit… just be still. Ultimately I heard God whispering very clearly to my heart and He was saying s-l-o-w down. Ugh, the thoughts of my flesh were not a whisper - they were loud and clear - God I don’t like slow and You know it! I valued efficiency and productivity, and this was the ultimate time to excel at those things. But I could recognize even in that tension that despite all of my efforts I was not bearing the fruit you’d expect from all the time and work I was putting in. So….
I sat.
I sat quietly. I prayed. I read my bible. I journaled. Poking out of my room on occasion to chat with friends or grab a bite to eat (and yes, still a massage). But for 4 days I did this on repeat. Nothing else felt right, but this did. And God continued to press upon me during that time - slow down.
That can sound wonderful when you’re on vacation when the realities of home and family aren’t tugging at you relentlessly, right? But then you go home. Kids are needy as kids are to be. The house gets messy as life is not neat. Social media is calling you to keep up or be left behind. The holidays are well, the holidays and we know how that adds a layer of fullness to an already full schedule. So I came home to this reality trying to figure out how to be obedient and doing ok at it. Like, if I had to dish out a grade I’d give myself a high C because I truly did try. I pulled back in some areas, slowed down creating and showing up on social, and I said no to a few obligations and yes to more time with God.
This C-for-effort-attempt at putting the brakes on life kept up until February 2021. Then God really got my attention. He didn’t just slow me down he brought my life to a full halt. Sometimes something outside yourself needs to happen to create a shift you can’t make in yourself otherwise (sometimes anyway, and this was one of those times).
A fun weekend away at our cabin in the mountains found a beautiful opportunity for sledding with cousins. It was sunny and snowy and full of laughs and giggles. Just the kind of day you’d want to experience in the winter that could be capped off with a cup of cocoa and getting warm by the fire, as you recounted all of the silly things that had happened (who went the fastest or who really won the snowball fight). However, we didn’t make it to the cocoa and fire recap time because as the sun was setting and the sled trail was (apparently) turning to ice my 5 year old son took a sled ride down the mountain - to rival Chevy Chase’s infamous adventure in Christmas Vacation. Only this one ended with an 8 foot high-jump and drop straight down onto my poor kiddo’s right foot… leaving him with the devastating news that it was instantly broken in two places.
Screeeeech… that’s the sound of life coming to not just a slower pace… but to a full STOP.
Have you ever had a 5 year old with a broken foot, who can’t walk to do anything or go anywhere (for 8 weeks), who is in Kindergarten and needs to continue to learn (from home), but he can no longer even get to the bathroom (or the kitchen table or bed or anywhere) else without you carrying him… all while managing pain and really scarred emotions (and all of the other responsibilities of life that still need to be done). I hope for your sake you don’t know what that’s like (but maybe you’ve had another experience that left you feeling just as overwhelmed, sad, confused and helpless)… either way take my word for it, it’s not exactly easy or convenient (or oh what were those words I used earlier efficient or productive.) I’ll spare you any further details and just share that this stopped me in every way. It woke me up and got my attention.
OK God, I’m listening, what now?
Well… it was a call for pause. It couldn’t have been any more clear that I just needed to stop (a lot of things). And at first I thought it would only be for those 8 weeks, then I’d be refreshed or reset (or something ?!) and I’d hit the ground running (a bit faster perhaps - because I had time to make up for). Bahahaha… are you laughing at my naivety too? It’s easy to do in hindsight (isn’t everything though). That “stopping” actually lasted a year.
Over the course of that year I literally stopped…
- working - both at organizing & coaching... with new and long-time clients who had become like family (it was not easy)
- posting and promoting my business... really I stopped social media altogether... I just “disappeared” (this wasn’t as hard as I expected, it was actually refreshing)
- striving to show up the way I thought the world expected me to (this has taken a lot of effort)
- holding grudges and embraced forgiveness (only thanks to God’s hand in my life)
- worrying about things & people beyond my control (this is a daily work in progress)
- micro-managing (some areas have been easier than others)
- worrying about the weeds (literally & metaphorically)
- holding unrealistic expectations for my season of life (this requires frequent reminders to my overachieving-self)
- running ahead of God (where did I think I was going without Him anyway)
It’s easy to write that list now. It was not easy to acknowledge those things in the moment. It was even harder to be obedient and follow through with what I finally acknowledged as necessary. Only with and through God did I do it. I wish I could say this is where life got easier and I learned all my lessons quickly. I wish. But that’s not how it played out.
Even in the stopping, that year became quite the downward spiral. My son’s foot (thank God) healed fully, he received the sledding high-jump award and he returned to school (and playing like his body had never been broken) but continued having emotional issues that required a lot of attention, learning on my part and healing; we had a major project going on at the previously mentioned cabin that required my husband to be away most weekends; my youngest was - a toddler, so there’s that; my oldest had just got his license - so there’s that too. ;-P There had also been a strong calling on my heart to come to a place of forgiveness with my dad (whom I hadn’t talked to for an unfortunate and messy 5 years - families can be very complicated can’t they… this is another story in itself for another time). But the emotional toll of that alone wore on me through the year as it was something I continued to work on internally because I knew to my core God was laying it on my heart to heal. In the fall we all got COVID which brought with it it’s own slew of issues and just wore me down further physically and emotionally. It was quite a whirlwind of ups and downs that kept me in that place of full STOP. As the time ticked on my downs got lower and they lasted longer until the crescendo of a very long and daunting year happened - my dad became very ill in November and we lost him in December. I was barely functioning, but had I not stopped I can’t imagine how much worse I would have been - I would have had no hope. What a year, right? It’s definitely going to be one in my record books.
Are you just waiting for the happy ending at this point? Just like I was, hoping that there could be one. I have a sign in my bedroom that I wake up to every morning and go to sleep to every night… it’s my daily visual reminder that says “There Is Always Hope.” Guess what my friend, there really is. Because God is a loving and awesome God and He will use all of your pain for good. And that was a painful year… but He used every tear, every sleepless night, every bit of confusion and sadness. I can honestly say that I am thankful for it.
I learned to lean on God… to the point of complete surrender.
By October I just started waking up going, OK God - what do you have for me today? What do you want me to do? Through that year which started with the idea of slow, moving to stop and then just sitting in a place of what do I do now I grew so much. The discomfort of not knowing what He wanted me to do (but knowing it wasn’t what I had been doing) ultimately created a spirit of obedience, which required surrender, which allowed me to be led which required me to be still and rest in/with/through Jesus. (Did you follow that, it’s ok to read it again.) That surrender, obedience and following transformed me. Friend, for real re-read that… it transformed me - He transformed me. God used it all to change me from the inside out. He drew me close through it all. As the dust settled (so to speak) in January He replaced all of the sadness, confusion and anxiety with His PEACE.
Have you felt God’s peace?
It’s like nothing you can get from this world. It is incredible and almost unbelievably confusing - because it doesn’t seem possible to go from all of that chaos to a calm, centered and happy heart. But I did. Because God loves me and He loves you too. He loves you that much and more, more than we could ever fathom.
Why wouldn’t we want to be still, to sit with Him, to follow Him, to know that He IS God?
If you’re going through something difficult or even if you’re not… I hope this encourages you. I don’t know how He’ll use your storm or when the calm will come. But I do believe that when we
- are still and can listen,
- rest in Him,
- stop focusing on worldly ways,
- learn to love ourselves so that we can love others and
- serve when led as if we’re serving Him…
So back to where we started. I’ve learned a thing or two about obedience in all of this, and as I anticipated this annual trip I prayed each day - God what do You want me to do while I’m in Missouri? How should I use my time?
The whisper… tell your story.
So here I sit in that same hotel room where He brought me close, whispered slow down, then held me tight so He could grow and transform me. As I type through a stream of grateful tears, my heart swells, and I feel like I’m somehow on the other side. I tiptoed out “back into life” earlier this year. But I’m careful not to run ahead of God anymore (as best I can - I’m still human ya know). I’m faster to turn back and repent when I try to go my own fruitless way. And it doesn’t mean there aren’t troubles (there for sure are), but navigating them and living daily life is just different now. It’s somehow lighter and more fulfilling. And no, I’m not naive enough to think He’s done with me! My journey continues and that is wildly exciting.
I continue to rest, plan, love and serve the way that God taught me through that tumultuous year and a half. And I want to help you to do it too. Because I know with all my being there is value and substance and hope in this. Change isn’t easy, but neither is staying the same. Doing the same thing, feeling the same way, wondering if there’s a happy ending to it somehow, sometime, someway. There is.
Let me encourage you now to stop everything and pray.
Talk to God with more sincerity than you ever have. It’s ok, He can handle all of your raw emotions - He gave them to you when He created you after all. Ask Him to show you the first baby step (we do baby steps around here and I believe He’s ok with that). ;-) Ask Him what surrender would look like in your life. What can you hand to Him to carry that is no longer serving you? Invite Him into every aspect of your day. Pause and pray when you don’t know what to do or thank Him when you do. Ask Him to show you how you can be obedient to serve His kingdom.
Won’t you step away from the world’s way with me?
It’s amazing what can happen when you abide instead of strive. Let’s step into a new and fruit-filled life… I know it’s waiting for you.
This is your invitation to surrender.
Let me know when you’re ready… I’ll be here - right where God led me, just waiting to walk with you. And I would consider it an incredible blessing to be by your side.
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